This question has been asked thousands of times and I’m sure will be asked many thousands more. It’s the first in a new series of questions and answers I’ll be covering here. If you have a question, simply email me and I’ll do what I can, when I can to answer it. As I’ve been asked this so many times in multiple different ways, I’ll answer it as a collective rather than for each individual. I’m not sure if it’s fortunate, or unfortunate, but it is not possible to change the behaviour of others. However, it is possible to change your own behaviours, and when it comes to romantic relationships, it’s best to begin with having a good relationship with yourself. Once you give up the need to obtain love from others, you’ll cease to attract those who seek out people they can abuse. Many people become trapped in unpleasant and unfulfilling relationships because they fear being alone more than they fear the what they are putting up with. There’s an old saying, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” This implies it’s better to stay with what you know because it’s safe in its familiarity, rather than trying something new which may end up being worse. Lots of people prefer to remain with the devil they know, or a bad relationship, rather than getting out and living on their own or trying our new relationships, or in other words, having to contend with the devil they don’t know.
By giving up the need for others, you become a free spirit, able to choose relationships instead of having to take anything on offer in order to feel fulfilled. In most cases, the right partner is found through chance, rather than by accepting pretty much anyone and then moulding them into the desired shape. This is where the inability to change others really has impact. If you think you can change someone to be more than what they are, you’re deluding yourself and the relationship will be doomed to fail through disappointment and frustration, and that’s when the negative behaviours will start showing.
Too often people choose to stay where they think they’ve invested time, money and effort until the whole situation becomes unbearably bitter. Instead, choose to learn from these experiences and move on. Once you love yourself in the right way you not only see things differently, you’ll expect to be able to have different experiences. You will also develop an aura that attracts a different type of person. Don’t be hard on yourself, do take time to assess what you want and why you want it, whether it’s in a relationship or any other part of your life. A romantic relationship plays such an important part in your whole future it’s worth putting some effort into.
If you ask most people who they are, they’ll define themselves by those around them or by what they do rather than who they actually are. Dare to define yourself by who you are, not by what you are to others and certainly not by your occupation. Take a more practical approach; if you don’t know who you really are, your perfect partner, the right person you’ve been looking for, will have no chance to find you. Emotional fulfillment starts with you. Happiness starts with you. Only once you have those internal issues resolved can you expect to share yourself with others in the reciprocal manner you desire instead of the take – take manner you’ve been experiencing so far.